


Second Time Around

by PeroxidePirate



Category: Tortall - Pierce
Genre: Gen, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-26
Updated: 2010-02-25
Packaged: 2017-10-07 13:43:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/65691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeroxidePirate/pseuds/PeroxidePirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buri's broken things off with her fiance, and Kel wonders why. Songfic, written to "Second Time Around" by the Indigo Girls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_The second time around, you know it really got me down.  
Sister don't you judge it, just keep it to yourself now.  
If you ain't got nothing good to say, don't say nothing at all.  
_  
When the news went around, all the court gossips had one thing to say: _what was she thinking?_ Buriam Tourakom, just a foreign tribeswoman, had been betrothed to Lord Raoul of Goldenlake and Malorie's Peak. And she was the one to break it off?

Kel found her in a tavern, nose-deep in a tankard, and slid onto the bench beside her. “What happened?”

“Not you, too!” Buri snapped. “You don't know what it's like...”

“Maybe not,” Kel agreed. “But you could tell me. I thought you might need a friend.”

Buri gulped down the rest of her drink. But when she set the mug on the table, she looked Kel in the eye. “Sometimes you just know it won't work out. It's the second time I've been there, and it doesn't get easier.”


	2. Chapter 2

_I got bitten by the bitter bug, and now I just can't get enough  
Ill will and my own conceit. I'm weary of the world it seems.  
I'm weary of the world, weary of the world it seems._

__“The publicness of being with Raoul! Oh, the parties and balls and appearances before the peerage – which we have to do, even though he hates them as much as I do. Thayet fussing over my clothes, for the first time in fifteen years. The concept of going through a wedding of state, at my age, and knowing all along, these horrible people didn't want the first thing to do with me until now. Kel, you have no idea.”

Kel thought back to her childhood, at the Yamani court. She remembered the way things changed when her mother saved the emperor's most sacred artifacts: the false friends, with their smiles that never reached their eyes. “You might be surprised what I understand.”

Buri just sniffed, condescendingly. “You think so?”


	3. Chapter 3

_It's sort of always gone my way. I'm just a little bit off these days.  
Like I've had hard knocks all my life, like I'm a Bible Belt wife.  
Like I didn't see it coming, like I didn't walk it willingly.  
_  
“Things were supposed to be better in Tortall,” Buri rambled, as the barkeep refilled her mug.

“You think they haven't been?” From what Kel had heard of Sarain, Buri and Thayet had been lucky to make it out alive.

“Well, I didn't have much choice in leaving, anyway. I was still a child when I swore an oath of fealty to the Princess. She was leaving, so I went, too.”

“If you could start over... would you still swear that oath?”

For a long minute, Buri just scowled at her. “You're too smart for your own good,” she finally said. “Of course I would.”


	4. Chapter 4

_See, I never want to sing again. La la la like a butterfly.  
Without my wits about me, without my heart in line.  
Third time's a charm and this is mine. _

“I hate it when things change, that's all,” Buri admitted.

Kel nodded her understanding.

“You don't have to tell me: I'm the one who brought this change. It was all my idea to break it off.”

“There must have been a reason, though,” Kel said, hesitantly.

Buri laughed. “There you go, always thinking the best of everyone. Always looking on the bright side.”

“It's what I do.” She looked at Buri, steadily. “Do you know what's bright about this?”

“What?”

“You might find something new...” She reached out and took Buri's hand in hers. “Or someone new.”

For the first time since Kel entered the tavern, Buri smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

_You said you heard Loretta sing and you felt the loneliness seeping in.  
The cowboys made you uneasy, you're a God-fearing lesbian.  
So you learn not to yearn and you take it on the chin again. _

“Was there a reason?”

“Of course.” Buri was silent long enough for Kel to wonder if she was going to tell the story at all.

“There was a woman,” she finally said. “Singing K'miri songs, for Princess Vania's coming-of-age party. Songs my people – the women of my tribe – used to sing. I was there with Raoul, of course, and he had no idea what the songs meant to me.”

“Did you tell him?”

Buri rubbed her eyes, then took another sip of her drink. “It's not something I can explain. Especially surrounded, as we were, by all his friends from the Own.” She shuddered. “All those upstanding, noble young men in their shining blue and silver. And I couldn't... couldn't stop thinking that Thayet would understand. She's K'miri – half, anyway – and a woman. And he's not... and not.” Her hands clenched around her mug. “I just couldn't pretend anymore.”


	6. Chapter 6

_Here's what I find about compromise-  
Don't do it if it hurts inside,  
cause either way you're screwed, eventually you'll find..._

"You were pretending?" Kel asked, horrified. "You'd do that?"

"Oh, not at first," Buri reassured her, eyes flashing bright at the memory. "At first it was all passion. We coudn't get enough of each other."

"Um." Kel tried, unsuccessfully, to stop herself from imagining what that must have been like. "So what happened?"

Buri shrugged. "It started with little things. One day, I changed my plans so we could be together. One night, I felt like sleeping alone, but I didn't want him to think I was mad. I didn't even realize when I started giving away... everything."

Kel was horrified again, but also puzzled. "And he asked that of you?"

"Not really," she admitted. "We didn't, either of us, realize it was happening. And then it was too late."


	7. Chapter 7

_You may as well feel good;  
you may as well have some pride._

_Come August we'll go to Cherokee and hear Loretta do her thing.  
Pack it into the Indian casino and make the hillbilly scene,  
kick up our heels and join in. _

“That singer? I heard she performs every summer, in Port Caynn,” Buri said. “Just some entertainment for merchants with more money than sense, I'd imagine. But I've half a mind to go listen to her, anyway.” She flashed a grin. “It'd be nice for her, to have someone there who knows what her music means.”

“I'd go with you,” Kel said, “That is, if you wanted the company.”

“That's sweet, Kel. I don't need protection, though.”

Kel met Buri's eyes. “Who said anything about that? I just thought it would be... nice. For both of us.”


	8. Chapter 8

_Are you my ally or my enemy?  
Do you have self-loathing or empathy?  
Can you keep me in your prayers, sister?  
Can you keep me in there somewhere?  
And, sister if you ain't got nothing good to say:  
don't say nothing at all. _

“Do you know what it's like?” Buri asked, really studying Kel for the first time.

“To try to fit in, and then find out you never can? To pretend away your desire, even to yourself? To spend more time keeping your mouth shut, out of fear that you'll offend someone, than telling the truth?” She gave Buri a rueful smile. “I know. A bit.”

“Who--?” Buri began.

“No one, really,” Kel interrupted. “It's not something that happened. It's something that didn't, because I was too afraid.”

“Do you hate yourself for it?”

“Sometimes,” Kel admitted. “Buri, you're not the only one who feels this way.”

Buri looked at her, and nodded, and didn't say a word.


End file.
